Hello. I am a 28 yr, single mother of two small children. I recently left an emotionally/mentally abusive, alcoholic husband in Illinois. I came home to California to visit my parents and decided to stay when the neighbor from across the street informed me of some horrible news. It seems that back when my husband and I lived with my parents, he came home with our oldest son one afternoon, and was so drunk, he could barely get our son out of the carseat from the back of the car. My husband has put our children in danger too many times to count, and I am not going to be a bad mother anymore and allow it to happen. I need to keep my children safe and secure.
My husband and his parents moved us to Illinois about 18 months ago. I left California, naively thinking that the promises my husband gave would prove to make our life/marriage/family better. He said he would go to school, attend counseling and that it would be cheaper and less stressful to live there. We were only "moving" to Illinois because there was a house waiting for us to live in. After he got into school, and I got a job, we would move across the river and into Iowa. My Parents, friends and relatives warned me about leaving. They believed there was something sinister behind it all. I tried to calm them and thought that I was doing something that would benefit my family. That was all I wanted. I wanted a clean, sober husband, happy kids and the prospect of saving money to eventually return to California to buy a home. None of this was to materialize, and I soon realized that I had been duped and lured into the middle of nowhere with no help to get away.
I found out he was drinking a little after six months of being there. For those that don't know, there is a law that keeps parents from leaving a state after the children have met the residency requirements. I found out the hard way, by repeated boasting from him and his parents of "Good Luck, you're stuck here" and "You can't go anywhere its against the law".
My husband, Zach, has attempted suicide. He has crashed our car after drinking and driving. He has repeatedly gotten drunk and fallen asleep while watching our kids, while I was working. He spent our savings on drugs. He firmly believes that he is a good father. He refuses to go to AA because "they're a bunch of old people with worse problems, and I don't believe in God". He stopped taking his prescribed medication because "He can do this on his own".
I stupidly stayed with him for over 5 years. I grew up in an alcoholic family. I didn't have a father (he died when I was 16 of a drug overdose). I truly believed that if I supported him enough, loved him enough, that he would be good and my children would have a father I never had. I realize, and its extremely sad and hard for me, that I have done a great disservice to my children and myself. I have entered into counseling, along with my oldest son, who is 4 years old. I am trying to make things right. I am trying to do the right and healthy thing.
My credit is ruined. We used credit cards to live on when money got tight. Things were not better or cheaper in Illinois. We were still living hand-to-mouth. I graduated from a technical college and became a medical assistant. I am a former United States Marine. I have always been the provider for my family. My husband refused to get a job, as it was "too stressful". While I went to college, I was pregnant with our second, and working full time.
I should never have moved. I should never have stayed with him. I should never have brought children into such a horrible mess, but I have them, and I love them dearly, and wouldn't change it for the world.
I am asking for help. I have NO money. I am going back to school to earn a BA in Social Work. My parents have already given what money they have, but it is not enough.
I have a court date for April 2, 2007. I have not been served, and have only a couple days left to answer back in Illinois. I need an Illinois lawyer immediately. There are two that I have talked to, one wants $1500 and the other wants $5000. The only things of value that I own is a 94 dodge minivan and my wedding ring.
Please. If you could help me, you would be an angel of mercy. I am an honest person, I am hard working. I am smart and talented. I am optimistic and do NOT want to believe that nice people finish last.
I am reaching out. Please, can anyone help me?
